— Kimbery Grey, 2022 Contest judge
Boatsong/Viljandi Paadimees
Poetry
21 February 2024
“This contrapuntal blew me away for its deft use of silence and fracture as a gesture of language. There is an elliptical sense to the way the two parts interact—a silence that exists because of time, generational divide, loss, and misunderstanding. There is a daughter and a mother fractured by grief, and a laborious attempt to reattach through song. This poem is a profound, formal demonstration of the Wittgensteinian notion of the inexpressible as a background against the expressed; each side individually more coherent than the marrying of the two together (much like individual people). Is this what grief does to us? That no matter how it is shared, it is a wholly individual action with one person in active grieving and the other, somehow, always a witness to the act? I think the speaker wants there to be some kind of communion, but the poem knows what continents have known for a long time: there will always be space between us, fractals made of our edges, keeping us ever so slightly (or distantly) apart. The best we can do is song, and this one is sung across the gaps we are made of, the gaps a poem makes between the language: a perfect marriage of what’s expressible and what is sometimes, or perhaps always, impossible to express.”
once she said to me: It’s amazing you feel this
connected, being
second generation. As if I had sipped wine
from a glass that wasn’t mine and spilled
into thin air. Amazing—
you, right now
in the kitchen
waltzing—so my mother,
a year I wasn’t a glass
grief, part song, crying, Vanaema
in every room—
a secret
spilled
My mother plays a YouTube video—
grieving
before it’s finished. Laulupidu, a year I wasn’t
there, which includes most. She sings along
inhaling, gasping for breath, apologizing,
still crying, still singing. I don’t know
where I’m supposed to look. Who
is performing? This is the song. Picture us
waltzing in the kitchen, I mean living
room (which was part
of the kitchen). Vanaema—again—
I’m so my mother
right now she says right now I’m so—
Amanda Maret Scharf (she/her) is a queer poet from Los Angeles. Her writing has been supported by Lambda LitFest, Community of Writers at Squaw Valley, Tin House, and The Home School. Her poems have been published or are forthcoming in Meridian, Willow Springs, The Iowa Review, and elsewhere. She holds an MFA in poetry from Ohio State University where she served as poetry editor for The Journal.