I tell a screen of strangers the story I want them to know
about my brother       losing his life       when we were together

there were no separate verbs for love & grief       once at an ocean
I thought       possibly       to be swallowed in glass shaped waves might possibly

make it make sense or       at least fill my memories       with another image

than the glitched video footage showing him walk into a church & the room

birthing stillness       as officers arrived & forty-seconds went       & life ended

& I’m misremembering       how he walked       with his 5’8 body

a ballast of his own frailty       an inscrutable nature of charisma       unafraid to meet

a stranger       he asked to borrow $600 for a trip       to see me

& it was a tremor of effort to send as I thought       possibly       finally       more time together

or possibly       isn’t my brother the love of my life       so I sent it

he disappeared       my love & my nameless grief       soured

for years       like vinegar       & when he wrote to say I love you

I ignored him       he evaporated into a reminder       life goes by       fast