I was given
a shitty watercolor palette
and I had to make art with it

there are ways to make beautiful things
with ugly ingredients

I remember this
as my paper roll unfolds
longing & softening
the unreached middle
the end of the roll

I’ve written this before
this autobiography
currently very red
         and layered
like hell & whatever else
I was burned & covered up

I am more myself empty
I return to this leaving
      this right of mine
      to push into earth
      like trickles turn
      into grand grooved canyons
      & deltas shit
      into the sea
      it meets me
      and whatever
      I am & will become
      hollow present
      wooden knot
      in which the sun rests

NATHAN WADE CARTER is a queer, grey-a poet, musician, and artist living in Portland, Oregon. He is author of the chapbook ROYGBIV (Ursus Americanus Press 2017). His poetry can be found in Hobart, Heavy Feather Review, Horse Less Press, Poor Claudia, Powder Keg Magazine, The Fem, and others. He is editor and founder of SUSAN / The Journal. He writes and performs songs under the name Purrbot. He is recording a new album called DNR. Find him online at www.nathanwadecarter.com.